Sticky note to myself. Never forget your true self: a female with Aspergers

Aspergers in female

An autistic brain in a female body. Being a female with Aspergers

After my heart-breaking divorce, I’m starting to have feelings for someone. It might be a dangerous path for me, the aspergirl who is able to drown in any female character in order to be loved back with a high risk of losing my own identity. Therefore, I have decided to write me a sticky note as a warning that I could refer to anytime.

No matter how deeply you are in love, do not forget who you are. You are an autistic female with special needs. Do not forget that to function correctly, you need to have a good night of sleep, EVERY night. You need to eat healthy food, EVERY meal. You need to reduce stress and stimuli has much as possible. This includes social interactions, any kind, even those with your future lover.

Your are a smart, resilient, independant woman. No man on earth can change that. Your autism is not a flaw. Do not try once again to play this chamaleon game in order to fit his needs, to be at the image of who he’d like you to be. This is a dangerous game. You can loose yourself. Remember, you’ve been there already. Making this perfectly fit character such as a professional actress in order to please the man you want to be loved by. You’ve been there. Don’t forget you ended up exhausted, with low self-esteem, giving up your dreams. You felt diminished, unsecure, failing in all aspects of your personal and professional life.

You need alone time, a lot, to recharge. This will never change and you can not exchange this precious time with anything else. Never! This is your fuel. Don’t be greedy of social interactions despite of your cravings for them. Just sprinkle your day with short discussions to built-up your confidence and connect with bright and open minds. For a short time, ten minutes, half an hour but never at the expense of your stimuli-free time. Indeed, it seems your are on human contact-free diet and you found it insanely unfair. You feel it as a lifelong punishment. But, listen to me, you are autistic since the day you were born till the day you die. It will never change. Picture your brain with these too many entangled electrical branches working all at the same time and making shortcuts when you socialize too much. You can not remodel your brain.

You are about to fall in love. Do not forget your true self. You don’t need to fit someone’s ideal or the mainstream’s social codes to be loved back. Most importantly: stop asking yourself « what would a neurotypical woman would do? ». Just be yourself once in your life.


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