I’ve been diagnosed as neuro-atypical 2 years ago at age 34.
I am not gifted (neither intellectually nor in sports or arts)
I don’t have a memory like an elephant
I do not live in a glass bubble (actually, I live in France)
I don’t lack empathy.
I know very well what emotions are since I feel all of them very intensively and can switch from very two opposite ones in a minute.
I was a loved spouse for more than 10 years.
I know what friendship is. I had a best friend for over 30 years.
I know how to give a talk with proper intonation in front of an audience waiting for valuable input.
I am a loving, caring, affectionate single mother.
All these skills makes me look like a fake autistic woman. For many people, I am a fraud.
Am I a fake autistic woman?
Often, I had to discuss, to give facts, evidences of my autism, to explain how I experience the world. Many times, I revealed my inner thoughts to try to convince people that my intellectual and emotional functioning atypical. Would any neurotypical person would discuss in details their inner thoughts to prove that she/he is a part of the neurotypical family? I doubt so. Two years after my Asperger syndrome diagnosis, I am tired of justifying myself to the world. This drives my attention away, sucks my energy and switches my mood.
I don’t need to feel legitimate anymore. I just want to be, no matter what you think.
Aspipistrelle, a french autistic woman
The french version of this blog post was chosen to appear as a testimony in a booklet of the Fédération Québécoise de l’Autisme
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